I haven’t felt this cold in months, physically and mentally.
I love autumn and the crisp leaves changing colors. I love the smell of wood stoves and pumpkin spice floating around. I love October and how dark it can seem. I love bundling up. I love Halloween.

Lately, I’ve been so sick. I can’t sleep, I can barely eat, I worked all weekend long, and classwork is killing me. I can’t help but feel dizzy and tired all day and mostly nausea as well. If the stress of all of this wasn’t enough, I’ve felt overly negative about myself too.
The depression is rearing its ugly head and I just want to stab it in the face really.
I can’t help but cry everyday. I shouldn’t be this sad. I don’t want to be this sad. I do love my friends and I do love a lot about my life, but lately things just seem very awful. I miss Ally. I can’t go a day without thinking something about her.
I can’t go a day without hating something about myself.

I’m not writing this for you to feel pity, just to say what is truly going on right now.

I just want to feel better. I don’t want to feel broken or alone anymore. I want to be happy.